Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
