we're chasing vodka with high fives
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
