I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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