Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
