the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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