if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was like eating out sand paper
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
