we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
