She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
