go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
