Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
