Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
