i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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