some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
