dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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