Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
