I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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