I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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