he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
