So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
