I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The uberlube is also flammable
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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