my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We named our party play list daddy issues
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
