wanna go halves on a baby?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
