I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
