We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So much rum. So many feels.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
