Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
