Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
