I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
