Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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