She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
