walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
