i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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