Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
