He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
