kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
