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Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
