I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
