you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
