hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
