Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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