Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
