I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
