Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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