so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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