Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize