I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
