Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
