ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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