My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
