when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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