You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
