Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
