if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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