How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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