Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
