I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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