I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
