I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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