he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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