everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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