she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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