Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
