I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
