Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
